Birth Story! AKA The Day I Learned True Pain

So some brief background information first. Once I got pregnant we decided to use a birthing center for all my prenatal care and labor and delivery. There are a bunch of reasons why I made that decision, but the bottom line was I wanted to maximize my chances of a natural, drug-free birth with no unnecessary medical interventions. And no, I'm not some masochist, I didn't do it to prove anything, and I have zero judgment for how you or anyone else births their babies. (In fact, after this experience I am completely sympathetic to why most people don't birth naturally!) I just personally felt that, God willing, a natural birth would produce the best outcomes for me and my baby.

On to the big day...

Here's a rundown of my early labor. I'll keep it brief so I can get to the good stuff.

1 a.m. - Crampiness and light contractions start.
3 a.m. - Show time! Bloody show, that is. It's as gross as it sounds.
3-7 a.m. -  Somewhat stronger but irregular contractions. Somewhere in that timeframe we determine Michael should stay home from work today and I call my midwife who agrees I'm in early labor.
7-10 a.m. - Continued irregular contractions. At this point I'm pretty sure today is going to be the day! I also take a brief nap sometime in here. Had I known the insane physical ordeal I was about to undergo I would've tried to sleep and rest up as long as possible to fuel me for what lay ahead. Unfortunately I didn't and went into active labor on about three hours of sleep. :(
10 a.m. - Brief walk around the neighborhood with Michael and my mom. Contractions increasing in frequency and strength now.
12:30 p.m. - Happy/chatty early labor has ended and contractions are coming regularly. They're strong enough that I just put in my earbuds (thank you, Lord Huron) and pace around the house silently as I try to breathe and relax through them.
1:30 p.m. - Contractions are now four minutes apart lasting for a minute or more, and uncomfortably strong. I call the birthing center and tell them we are coming in!
2:00 p.m. - Arrive at birthing center. Quick pelvic check. I'm only 3 cm boooo! My midwives assure me though that today is indeed the day, it'll just be awhile. They encourage me to go on another walk. We head to a nearby park and walk for about 20 minutes. Contractions are now painful enough that I have to pause at times and concentrate on getting through them. At this point I'm thinking, "Wow, these are pretty painful, can't get much worse than this, right??" Silly Cheryl!!! These are NOTHING compared to what awaits you!

After the walk we head back to the birthing center where I just continue to pace as the contractions get stronger and more painful. Even a delicious mango popsicle couldn't cheer me up! That's how serious this was!!

On to the real fun. I have no concept of the time that passed over the next five-ish hours, but here are some bullet points of what transpired.

-I didn't originally plan to, but I ended up doing most of my labor in the tub. The warm water just felt really good in between contractions so I stayed in there nearly the whole time.

-The pain. Ohhhh, the pain. I have never felt pain like that in my entire life. I didn't feel it in my back at all, it was all in my abdomen. Each contraction felt like someone was taking all my insides and twisting/wringing them out as hard as they could...for what seemed like ages...every few minutes...for hours on end. I tried pretty unsuccessfully to not think, "I can't do this," because I knew it wouldn't help. Here are some other early thoughts that went through my head.

• Many Gob Bluth moments..."I've made a huge mistake."
• What was I thinking giving birth naturally??
• THIS is why people get epidurals!!
• I was so naive about the pain and now I'm completely unprepared to deal with this with no epidural contingency plan available to me!

Now, I say "early thoughts" because as the torture wore on, the pain started driving any and every thought from my mind.

My internal monologue went something like this...

God, please help me get through th- AHHHHHH!! PAIN!! PAIN!! PAIN!!

Remember what you learned in your birthing class, remem- ARGHHHHH!!! PAIN!!! PAIN!!!! YFUTGIGJTRSTRFYTFUYF!!!! PAIN!!!!

(From James 1) "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you fa-" NOOOOOO, NOT AGAIN!!! PAIN!!! PAIN!!! PAIN!!!!

Sooo tired. Just want to sleep. Please just let this stop for a little while so I can take a- ARGHHHHH! HERE IT COMES AGAIN!!! PAIN!!! PAIN!! AHHHHHH!!!

And yes, I did scream...as hard as I could...over and over. I didn't think I'd be a screamer but the pain was so intense it was almost involuntary. And it wasn't a high pitched shriek (well, most of the time it wasn't), but let's just say my mom said later, "I've never heard Cheryl scream like that," and Michael was semi-traumatized by how much pain I was obviously in. (Editor's note: While he was semi-traumatized, Michael had also wisely foreseen and warned from the beginning how traumatic labor would be. But alas and alack, I didn't believe him. I was that confident/foolish to think I'd "be fine.")

Despite the screaming and the blinding pain, by God's gracious grace, I never completely lost it. I didn't start crying, although I was pretty close at times, and I was able to fight through it enough to still take the suggestions and instructions that were given me and do them. Also, I didn't start screaming out cuss words or anything. I didn't even think them in my mind. See, that's how mind-erasing the pain was!!

-With Michael and my mom, they were great at supporting me as best they could. My mom prayed for me the whole time and was a calming voice amidst the chaos. (My Dad stayed in a waiting area through the whole thing, but came in after she came out say hi and to take some pictures. No, I was not camera ready, and no, I did not wear makeup to the birth.) And Michael was right by my side the whole time, encouraging me, rubbing my back, holding my head up while I slumped over in the tub in between contractions, etc. He even caught my poop in his hands as I pushed! JUST KIDDING! I did an enema before we went in so I didn't have any poopage during labor. Although, if I had I wouldn't have cared. And yes pushing does feel like pushing out a ginormous poop. TMI? Anywayyyyy I'm sooo thankful for both of them!

-Apparently N was getting caught on a small lip of my cervix, plus my water never broke on it's own, and both these things prolonged my labor a bit. My midwife eventually suggested I get out of the tub and onto the bed to try something else. At that point they confirmed my water hadn't broken so they broke it manually.

-After my water broke it was only another 20 minutes or so before she was out. I felt no pain when she was crowning and coming out. By that point I just wanted it  to be over so bad, I actually semi enjoyed the pressure that came with it because I knew the end was at hand!

So once I felt her head come out I kept pushing to get the rest of her out as fast as possible. Apparently, after her head was out the rest of her shot out, and at 8:28 p.m. we officially became parents! Michael got to semi catch her and later got to cut the cord also! Originally he didn't know how much of the gore he'd be able to take and whether he'd want to cut the cord, but he said by the end there was no fear or squeamishness. I mean, after watching a baby emerge from my lady parts after hours of watching me writhe in pain, cutting an umbilical cord is no sweat!

So how did I feel afterwards?

Physically, I was COMPLETELY spent. I basically clenched up my entire body with each contraction, which you're NOT supposed to do (again, unprepared) and my arms got an especially good workout from clutching both the bar on the side of the tub and poor Michael's hand with a death grip. Still, it was amazing how much better I felt once she was out and the contractions were over. I was alert, awake, and actually chatty during the perineum repair sesh.

As for the emotional side of things, everyone had told me that once she was out I would get a rush of joy and know that it was all worth it. Well, that certainly wasn't my experience. When she came out all I could think was, "I am SO glad that's over! That was awful!!!" So yeah, bonding took time, and actually that bonding process has been gradual over even weeks of having her. I just didn't get that instant glow or joy, but then again, I'm not a super sentimental person either.

Over the next few hours I delivered the placenta, started breastfeeding, rested, and got sewn up where I tore a little. I didn't tear that bad but let's just say it still isn't fun having your torn and messed up flesh down there poked and prodded. After they numbed the area to do the stitches I was fine though. I was also able to shower which felt really good.

On N's end she was born very healthy which we were of course extremely thankful to God for. She didn't come out with any bruising or major puffiness, and she was nice and pink with a good cry. She stayed on my chest for a good while to wait for the cord to stop pulsing and empty out. Then once she was officially detached from my she was weighed and measured and got all the normal newborn evaluations and treatments done. She had her hair washed then she got to hang out with Michael and my parents while I was getting sewn up.

We headed home around 12:30 a.m. in pouring rain. I was physically tired but mentally wired from the whole experience, clean, hungry, and wearing an adult diaper. Nora was cozy and sleeping, also wearing a diaper, and it was completely surreal that we were coming home with a baby!

So anyway that's my story. Will I do it again? Time will tell. Afterwards, Michael soberly said, "The decision to have any more biological children is yours. I would never make you to go through that again if you didn't want to." Isn't he a great husband?? I have to admit, at this point I would be fine with just adopting any additional kids we'd want to have, not necessarily because of how hard labor was, but just because I feel like I've experienced it all now and don't necessarily need to go through it all again. Plus we've always wanted to adopt anyway. We'll see.

Despite how difficult and excruciating labor was, I truly don't regret my decision to birth naturally. If I did it again I would still choose the natural route, but I would definitely want to take a full childbirth class that dealt specifically with pain management. We did a one-day class but in hindsight I think a full multi-week class would've prepared me better for labor.

In the end we're just grateful for wonderfully skilled midwives who guided us, and for God's goodness and faithfulness in getting all of us safely through!

2014 Year In Review

And now I present - the 2014 Michael and Cheryl Year in Review! 10 friendship points if you can make it all the way to the end!

We start the year in January, in which I decided to try and re-enter the full-time working world outside the home, and started looking for a job. The idea was that we were ready (sort of) to start a family, so I could work for however long in the interim to help us save money for whatever lay ahead. I’ll have to do a separate series of blog posts about our pregnancy journey so far, but for now I’ll just say I still couldn’t have foreseen with any certainty that we would be starting a family this year. We had been putting it off for so many years and I could’ve easily been ok with putting it off further still, so things were up in the air.

As we thought about these things, we began considering foregoing trying to conceive altogether and just adopting. I’m somewhat of an oddball of a female and have never felt a strong desire to be pregnant or to have a baby. Not that I was against it – well, that’s a lie. There have been times in my life where I’ve adamantly thought I DO NOT WANT to have kids. Anyway…I just haven’t ever felt like it was one of those things I just HAD to do. Michael also didn’t feel any burning desire for us to have a biological child. So, we started looking into the adoption thing and it just happened that our church partners with a non-profit pregnancy and adoption organization called Anchor Point. AP was conducting an intro to adoption class and we decided to do the class. It was a fantastic experience. Even though I’m adopted and know so many people who have adopted, we learned so much about the actual process of adopting, especially locally. By the end of the class we felt equipped to start that journey, whenever that may be, and had a much better picture of all the process will entail. But something else interesting had happened. We both were left with a growing desire to adopt, but suddenly out of nowhere came this other desire in both of us to have go ahead and try to have a biological child. I can honestly say it was the first time that I thought…yes, I’m sort of ready to try this and see what happens.

So, we decided that I would go back to work and we would start trying to conceive at some point in 2014. It was for reals this time. No more saying, “Next year…next year…”

Back to the 2014 timeline. By March, God provided a full-time job for me as a “Logistics Specialist” for a company right next to Johnson Space Center. My company contracts with NASA and other public and private sector agencies to do meeting and travel logistics, interpretation, and documents translation. The transition to going back to work full-time outside my house was much more difficult than I anticipated (Where did all my free time go?? :) but in time things leveled out and we now have a good routine going. Michael has continued working at the engineering/construction firm he’s been at since last May. They’ve had some big layoffs and there is always that possibility that he could be let go, but so far they’ve kept him on. He plans to stay and ride it out for now. If he gets laid off then we’ll see what else God has for us!

In May, we got to take the trip of a lifetime to the Galapagos Islands (off the coast of Ecuador) with my parents. Michael and I had never been anywhere in Latin America other than Mexico, and it was an amazing trip filled with beautiful wildlife, scenery, and quality time with my parents. My pictures and some narration about the trip are up on Facebook. I am so thankful for the amazing vacations we’ve had, and for parents willing to bless us with basically free vacations! :)

In July, about a month and a half before the lease for our rent house was to end, we decided to bite the bullet and buy a house! We considered a few different options – traditional mortgage on an existing  home, buy a piece of land and put a manufactured home on it, buy a trailer and live in it until we could buy some land and put a home on it, etc., but we settled on a traditional home purchase and mortgage in the end. The whole process of finding the house and getting the loan from start to finish was both easier and harder than I imagined. It was crazy and time consuming, but I’m glad we decided to do it, even if it meant relinquishing some of my dreams to move away from Texas at some point in the near future. ;) So anyway we started looking for houses and jumping through all the hoops, and finally found our Roseberry house. It’s a normal 3-bedroom, 2 bath house, built in the late ‘70s, and about a 20-30 minute drive from our jobs and church.

In September, in the midst of the house hunting, loan approval process, etc., we found out I was…dun dun dun…pregnant! It was exciting and surreal and terrifying all at once. I basically liken it to walking off a cliff. It’s like…wow, I guess there’s no turning back now. Life’s about to get nuts! Again, I’ll have to blog a separate series about how pregnancy has been, but the short version is I’m feeling great and things have been very easy for me so far. We just continue to walk each day trusting in God’s sovereignty for the outcome of this pregnancy.

September, October, and November were mainly busy with house stuff. We totally understand now why everyone says a house is a work in progress and you NEVER run out of projects for it (some fun, some not so fun). As of today we’ve gotten all the major stuff done that needed immediate attention – a new roof, a new breaker box, boxes unpacked and garage organized, that sort of thing.

In this timeframe we also finally said goodbye to faithful Max, the blue ’98 Saturn I bought in high school (first and only car I had ever bought). Michael was continuing to drive it to and from work, but alas, it was dying. We had to get another vehicle anyway because neither Michael’s truck nor my Saturn could comfortably accommodate a car seat, which we we’ll eventually need. So we ended up donating Max (it literally wasn’t even worth the time and effort of selling it) and we bought a pre-owned 2012 Mazda 3. Michael got his truck back and I got the new car woohoo!

Also in November, Michael invited one of his coworkers to rent a room from us, so that began as well. Turns out it will be a very short term thing as our housemate already moved out this week to start a new job near Dallas. It was good having him though, and it forced us to get our guest bathroom in order as well as buy a bed for our guest bedroom. My parents are already anticipating many visits to see their eighth grandchild and needed something other than an air mattress to sleep on. :)

And now we are finally to December, in which we found out we are having a GIRL! We both kind of wanted a boy, but now that we know we are super excited about having a little daughter. We’ve already settled on her name, so it’s been fun calling Nora June Moore by name.

Also in December, we started a new small group Bible study with our church. We are leaders in training under a couple from our last small group. The four of us have become fast friends and we are so very grateful for our friendship with them. We look forward to growing and learning with our new small group over the next couple of years.

On a related note, Michael and I have continued to plug in at our church. Michael volunteers on Sundays to run the laser light show (just kidding, but he does run lights) for the service, and I am serving with the high school/student ministry. We are also doing a 9-month leadership development program through the church and learning lots of interesting things about leadership and ministry.

So that was our year. It’s hard to believe we marked 6 years of marriage in October. We are so thankful to God for His continued goodness and faithfulness to us as we do life together. 2015 will be a big year as we (Lord willing) make the transition to being parents. (Cheryl? Responsible for a little baby? SCARY!) We look forward to whatever else God has in store for us and pray that 2015 will bring growth in our marriage and dependence on Christ and the gospel for every trial and joy God brings our way!